Thank you ♡

To anyone who's reading this, to anyone who's held my hand through life to make it bearable, thank you.

Words can't express how grateful I am that I'm constantly surrounded by people that make sure I'm happy, people that care.

And if you're one of those people, thank you for never losing faith in me and helping me get through rough patches even though it really sucks sometimes.

And a special thank you to the someone that reminded me of the existence of this blog ♡ and thank you for always being patient with me. > < ♡

Would you miss me if I was gone?

I don't know. Some days it feels like at the end of the day, no one really gives a shit about you and your petty little feelings.

讲难听一点, you're just some ugly girl that no one likes and that everyone finds annoying.

Ugly people don't have feelings...

...

Right?

Just keep them inside. No one cares anyway. You're just going to take up their precious time and make them hate you even more than they already do.

...

该放手了。

自私鬼

When will I ever feel good enough about myself..? Everyday it's the same old thing, wake up, eat, sleep. Will I ever achieve anything in my life? Who would even miss me when I'm gone? To be more exact, who would even notice? Everyone is just so wrapped up in their own lives; I shouldn't get in their way… But yet all I want is attention. Just enough… To let me know I'm not alone. That there's a reason for me to fight.

But it's selfish.

It's selfish when everyone else has their own lives to lead and it's selfish that I demand their time when they so barely have enough for themselves.

It's selfish that I want someone to only love me, to treat me as though I were something precious. It's selfish that I cannot return the same kind of love and affection to another because I'm already working so hard just to find the courage to love myself.

It's selfish… That I exist on this world, a tiny speck of dust in the great nothingness that is life.

People come and go. I understand. But sometimes… I just wish they'd stay. Just stay with me and let me know that one day, everything will fall into place.

That one day, I'll truly find peace with myself.

世界の悪

Why do you shut people out?

I sorry if I constantly push and pull people, almost as though they were my puppets, stretching them to their limit and pushing them to the point where they no longer care. It's just a way for me to see who would be able to handle my horrible side and to let them know I'm not that good of a human *total understatement haha*

It's also cause sometimes I forget I'm dealing with humans, I guess. Life sometimes seems like just a game, a virtual reality video game where I'm the only player in a sea of NPCs.

I'm sorry for not seeing it sooner, that everyone has their limits. But thank you, to everyone who stayed despite my unpredictable nature.

Thank you.

-Kuri ♡

无药可就。

I'm so tired. Oh so goddamn tired. Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong; are you testing me, God? When will this test be over? I'm so sick and tired of this, this false front I put up for the world everyday.

But then again, doesn't everyone pretend?

I don't know. My problems seem so superficial, so childish. I guess I'm just weak. I can't handle stress. I can't handle sadness.

What can I do?

Thinking about it, I really have next to no redeeming qualities, haven't I? I'm rude, overly loud, insensitive... It's no wonder people choose to ignore me. Better than the other option.

Scolding me would just waste their energy after all.

I'm not worthy. At all.

It's so funny though, how I want the one thing that could never be mine.

But then again, I want a lot of things. And it seems I'll never be strong enough to chase after what I want, to earn the right to possess the things I want.

I'm just a huge whiner right? One that always acts better than she actually is, one that doesn't know her own abilities and how low she is on the desirability scale.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't effing know what I'm here for. I'm just a waste of space, a black mark on the history of mankind.

Just who is this inside of me? Inside of this fragile shell we call our home?

Everyone, please don't get too close to me; I'm bad for you. What a joke though; as if anyone would have even wanted to. I'm just purely disgusting and a pain in the ass to be around.

And I can't even change myself for it, just sit here, and whine, lost in self pity like the loser I am.

Isn't it laughable? That people like me exist? Only to bring pain to those around them, to push away the ones nice enough to care.

But even though physical overpowers mental, I'm too much of a coward to do what it takes to take the pain away. This defective doll is broken and should be flung far away, to a place where no one would ever find her.

Perhaps then, the world would be a better place.

To anyone who reads this, I'm so sorry for wasting your time; you deserve better; way WAY better than this pile of rubbish.

-Kuri

End of Week One

It's finally the end of week one. I never thought I could hang on despite being so damn busy.

But the new colleagues are mostly awesome AF. God, I love most of them already. Joking and laughing and teasing each other... Life is good.

Except for the stress. Haha (':

But HE is there. And HE chose the locker below mine bc apparently his is spoilt (erm I checked; it wasn't spoilt.) Well he's also the in charge for the cashier and all that so that means he has to come down to the room a lot. Everyday, to be exact. For seven weeks, I'll almost definitely see him everyday. Giddy with excitement ahh x//3

He smiles so cutely FML it should be a crime to be that good looking orz my heart can't maintain around him haha.

I know I'll probably look back on this post in the future and be like wtf but just let me bask in the glory of love for a while longer ;v; even tho it's practically impossible between us HAHA //sobs

Ah wells. At least he's around to help me hold myself together. I don't even know why I like him that much, but let's just forget it for the time being bc I really don't wanna write an essay on that (':

But yes. That's basically the first week in a nutshell. Feels longer though. Maybe cause time lost its meaning for me somewhere along the way (':

See you in the next post then, where I'll probably still be ranting about feelings (':

-Kuri

Day One

Today was the first day of MSC's training. I got into MSC ops hahaha gg but my colleagues seem nice enough (at least Vamprys Jie Jie is there for me to tickle during awkward moments HAHA) But yeah. The other guy seems cool too! (:

It's kinda sad that I couldn't get into the same place as *coughssomeonecoughs* but at least Hui Min is in the same place as me eek x3

First day = killer. Hahaha no other way to describe it man. Even putting my panic attack over the team building thing aside, there seems to be a lot I'm supposed to do?? Like I need to help the other two with their stuff too and like my brain legit nearly died on me just now during the handover haha why did I choose marketing again...

Oh right. Because it seems fun. And I can take pictures of people without them knowing (; which I'm supposed to do... For publicity purposes... (I swear I'm not a stalker) HAHA so yes. Hopefully it gets better soon.

And I hope I get used to the temperature; I'd rather freeze than have cockroaches in the office. Ew.

There was something else that I was gonna add but I forgot?? Nvm then HAHA

-Kuri ♡